JoURney ENDs n LoVE mEEts

25 August 2009 @ 01:38 am

ok.. hello...

wow!!!!!!!!!!! it's feel like baru je finish fasting month last year now da fasting lagi.... cepat giler seh... haiz.. now my busy period at work da start killing me... iissyy......... damn tired la.... haiz...

boring...

Current Mood: tired

tired

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21 July 2009 @ 02:28 am

(no subject)

im piss!!!! and im stress!!!!!!!! why cant everyone let me be happy... even if im not happy emotionally but please just let me be happy physically......... at least im happy............ at least im smiling...... but why cant u guys help me doing that?? from my aunt this n that...... to my cousin who is still not in a good term with me...... to some of my frenz who still have some issue with me, yang aku tak tau la ape issue yang dorg ade ngan aku and now to him....... my boyfrenz.......

wat u guys want from me????

u guys killing me in silence by doing this............

Current Mood:

depressed

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21 July 2009 @ 01:32 am

TO YOU ISKANDAR ZULKARNAIN

i just finish reading ur blog n im kinda shock actually to the fact that u have that kinda of thought.. thinking single life back just cuz im in a good shape with my past life which over the past 8 months, im in pain thinking i hurt every people in my life due to some of the prob... wow!!!!!!! terkejut ok... really... i never expect u have that kinda of thought bout everything..

it true im in contact with him(my past life) but just to clear up some issue.. salah ke??? after so long im like waiting this opportunity to know the truth... to know wat happening... salah ke?? we're frenz now.... salah ke?? true im always make a big issue bout ur past life.. why?? because it cause us more trouble.... which is true!! salah ke if i said that?? pernah ke we go thru life without ade nye your past life haunting us?? pernah ke?? NEVER!!! it's true im piss n blah blah blah with u always when it come to that but pernah ke i ckp i want a single life back and leave u alone?? Never!!!! im a girl n of course im piss, if every single month we nee to fork up this n that for who n wat the cause of it?? it's all from past!!!! never for future...... and pernah i ckp pape ke?? 3 months to go n i dun see anything but wat i can see is still past......... den how bout me n the future?? our engagement......... our wedding........ pernah u pikir??? u said im always end up in past?? i ke u?? who is still not moving on?? me or u?? pernah ke selame nie u hear im saying anything bout him or his sister?? ever??? how im trying to cope with everything so different, pernah ke u tanye?? how im trying to move from who am i last time to who am i now?? pernah ke tanye?? when u're alone without any one with u, when everyone suck u down, im there for u... till now, u're happy with them back and im happy for u but when it come to me, why cant u??? where else im not even in a good term with them yet....
so wat 8 years??? org tu da move on pun........ and he knows that im move on....... why cant u just let it go??
no more pet name for me?? it's up to u........ after so long u with me and now u give a big issue bout it?? u can call me by name if that make u happy.....
u wanna go with the flow?? wat flow?? u take our relationship as a flow now without actually thought of it as a seriuos matter... wow!!! 3 months to our engagement and u can said go with the flow?? wow!!!!!!

ps, dun worry, wat happen to your frenz wont happen to us and i can promise u now... but if u want to go with the flow den dun think bout any engagement in time to comes......

u prefer to blog it rather than talk to me........ wat am i to u?? ur frenz??

Current Mood:

disappointed

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05 June 2009 @ 04:44 pm

MoNsTer VS ALien

ok ok.... dun feel like happening to update but never mind la just update je....

ok....... first i miss everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
my 3 babies... shiq, fareez n yati....
my london bridge is falling down, falling down frenz.....
my bestiez.... bilah n ros.......
n some of the the the frenz..........
it's been so long im like da tak lepakz with any of my frenz nor the babies...... well... all of busy with our own life n everything.... sorry to the some of u who might think that i da neglect u guys or wat.......... im so so sorry............. it's just that my job really2 take all my time......... to some of u who hold on to my roster will definetly n confirm2 knows that my off really2 killing me... waititng for on off day, da mcm nak mampus......... and whenever im off, i prefer to stay at home rather than going out.... i hope some of u can understand it......... if not than i cant say anything.....ok ok... enough of work thingy........ just hope u guy can understand n sorry for everything,........... to some of u yang aku pernah gaduh ke, misunderstanding ke......... sorry la...........

my 3 babies........... soon all of us will lepakz2 again ok......... ;)

my london bridge............. i miss u guys esp genie..........

my bestiez... bilah n ros...... even we hardly meet, setahun tak sekali...... but all of u still the best...... thankz for been so understanding..............

my boyfrenz........ u're the best.................

ok........ that's it............

Current Mood: chipper

chipper

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12 April 2009 @ 08:53 am

(no subject)

i feel so sad with this someone...............
feel terrible sad...........
sometime i feel im nothing to him............
maybe just a close frenz.............
not someone with a label................
im not sure how things goes between us but it's feel like it's not doing any good nowadays................
not sure who to turn to...........
not sure who to talk.................
keep it deep inside so no one knows..............
not even him................
feel no used to talk..............
cuz it's not gonna make any sense..........
he will just listen but not come with solution.............
feel like crying every single days...................
it's so depressing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~~i love u so much.......... why cant u know that????? why u treat me like a shit now????~~

Current Mood:

depressed

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12 April 2009 @ 08:44 am

THINK...........

Love......
Falling in love......
or wrong falling in love?????
which is which?????
past or present???
months or years????
COMPARISON......
is it ever exist in relationship??
nothing should be compare.....
2 things...........
alive.......
can never be compare.......
thankful for the past.....
cuz that's make u're now......
appreciate the present......
this is u now......
past is past........
it's long gone.....
close the book..............
and began a new one............
no point thinking of past.......
this is now.......
present................
clock's ticking..............
time's running........
so past or present?????
back to the past??
or move on with present n future?????????

CHOICE IS YOURS...................

Current Mood:

depressed

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10 February 2009 @ 07:28 pm

????

erm, im not sure how to put in my feelings to words now..... sometimes i do think that i hurt everyone..... and by hurting everyone, im actually hurting my own feelings too... i dun know whether i walk on the right path of my life......
being with someone u love is all good..... like some people said, honeymoon period......... but when it come to know the past it's actually hurt u in a way of it..... sometimes u dun wish to know the past happy life of the new someone....... but u just cant help it and end up u knew it too...... everyone of us confirm2 have our own past..... happy or sad.............. with frenz or with past partner...... and sometime u didnt give a shit bout their past cuz wat important is present n future..... but how u try to not give a shit, sooner or later u still give a shit.............. especially the one they love before u................
sometime u just pretend not to know, not to bother but how to do it, if u're not a heartless person??? how to face that person when u know u hurt that person more n more??? n even everytime u look at the person u love now???? seeing the past picture of them together.......... all those happy pictures, all those history they share together.............. how do u feel???
how to move on with happy life when u know deep down inside there's someone out there feel deeply hurt n broken heart............................. how to face up n look at upper sky n tell yourself this is the person i wanna marry with one day when deep down inside u know there's someone out there love your love one so much???? haiz........... letting it go, u cant.............. cuz now, u love that person so much and u cant bear to be apart from him...............................................

think bout it.............

Current Mood:

confused

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19 January 2009 @ 01:41 am

FaMiLiEzzzZZZZZZZZ........

i read one of my cousin blog.....
and it's kinda hurt my feelings even the story line not involving me but still it's somewhere somehow involved the family n it could be my mum....... my mum....... my mum who never ever kesah bout people life........ never ever pasal wat ever people talk bout my family n all............ we(mummy, bro n myself) never ever k.po bout people family issue... but we're FAMILY.......... when u said one thing, it could be all..... my mother is the type of person who pegang pade amanah...... if people tell her to pegang amanah org, of course she will take care of it........... tu pun sala die is it??? if she really make up all those story by saying a bad thing n people cant take it, why dun u guy come up to her n tell her the truth??? or at least let me know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she's my mother........ wat ever think i read or hear, of course i feel it even the blog does not wrote any single name on it............. my mother never said anything bout going out late nytez, club and everything........ cuz she knows, die pun ade anak........... and me myself doing the same thingy.......... i grow up as a bad girl......... i go thru shit like no one else go thru n i never ever involved anybody...... not even my family......... n i know for sure my mother never ever said some else child bad cuz im a bad girl.......... hypocrite???? sape yang hypocrite?? wat actually u guys trying to said??? wat is this all about???? i aint know shit bout any of this............. but now WOW!!!!! not only i know things from just reading blog, i know also from people tell me straight from my ear..... phone call away!!!! of course i need to get to the bottom of it.......... she's my mother!!!!!!! do u guys think my mother have time to do all of this??? my family mcm da ader enough prob with my grandpa in the hospital........ need to do stuff for my brother marriage thingy......... my grandpa issue je da enough to actually take all our time away........... the prob enough to make us not to think bout any other issue in life........... and this is wat happen now!!!!! this things sumpah da few months back seh but now den i know the whole issue............. no wonder my mother kept on saying the other da lame tak call her.......... i feel so hurt with things happen to my mother....... wat ever things happen behind her, people go out without ajak her, people put her away in everything, she diam je........... she feel hurt when people treat her that way but did u guys ever dengar she said anything??? NEVER rite??? how kecik ati she feel, pernah ke she said out??? NEVER rite???? and now people said like this, how do u think my mother nye perasaan?? where else selame nie, wat ever things happen she yang being very supportive???? how her perasaan?? pernah pikir perasaan dier ke??? haiz...........

if my mother really hurts you guys feelings in anyway, on behalf of her, and as a cousin i wanna said we're sorry.............. even deep down in my heart i know that it's not my mother fault but since u guys think that way, then we're sorry............... doesn't mean we're said sorry we're wrong but we're seriously had enough with all of this.............. if people wanna tuduh my mother that way, den biar la...... cuz deep down we know, we're not wrong...........im truly disappointed with everything......... never expect that it gonna be this way........ never expect that our family go thru a shit like this........... for u n me, i do miss u and i still love u............. we're the close cousin ever but things just happen this way........ it's hurt me a lot.......... but nothing much i can do to make thing better........

as for now, we live our own life.......... cuz i had enough of all this issue thingy......... if this is how family gonna be den it gonna be this way.............. wat more can i said??? even selame nie, i yang always try to mengalah n try to be sabar n strong but as for now, i dun care........ u know why?? cuz u my cousin, who teach me not to care bout people feelings where else im the type of person who cares bout everyone feelings especially u n all the others.... now i dun............ cuz i feel hurt........... not cuz of me but cuz of my mother.......... im totally hurt.......... piss.......... but fuck care la..... haiz!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Current Mood: disappointed

is this how family should be??

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18 January 2009 @ 10:39 pm

LoVe One!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh well.....

nothing much happen in the past week.......

just work, out with hunnie n yati, went to the hospital to visit grandpa.....

grandpa not that well....... he's too sick................ im so so pity................. just pray he will be ok soon................

but the weekend that just past, i spent with qayyum family....

sat at isya house n sun at shiqah house...........

well, everything went well with the family n it's great to be still with them even me n qayy are no more together in term of relationship..... they still treat me the same...... me n isya are doing well..... i love u my small sis............ same goes to qayy n myself....... after all the argument n everything, we're finally put a closure to it....... well guess now, kite da act maturely la...... chey chey chey............... wah, so long rite we aint meet up?? hang out and everything......... how long eh??? 6 months?? wow, that's sumpah lame ok!!!!!!! and qayy, i never expect u gonna thru all those shit...... all those prob n everything.......... well, im here if u need someone to talk to bout wat ever shit....... when it come to all the prob, we go thru the same shit rememeber............. oh well babe, this is wat we called life................. call me if anything............ but if u still call me gemuk pendek, im not gonna geng u anymore.............. wakakakaka............. ala, gemuk2 aku pun kau sayang aku ok!!!!!!!!!! im your sis wat............. u cant throw me away,,,,,,,,,,, wakakakaka..............................

to isya~ hope we can hang out more nowadays............. love u sayang................

to shiq~ thanks for everything..... love u too.............

to ayang~ thanks for being so understanding with everything..... im so so sorry u have to wait for me............. so so sorry............ :( hope we will last long ok............. love u MANY2 LA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! muackz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Current Mood: calm

calm

Current Music: aNgeL-NaTAsHa BeNdiNGFIeLd

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08 January 2009 @ 11:42 am

fOr U izZy......

To u.....
is it cuz of me, u outcast yourself from your team or frenz?? is it cuz of me, u have to go home early?? is it cuz of me all this things happen?? is it all cuz of me??? i didnt mean to control anything in your life...... cuz im NOT..... i never said u need to be home early........ i never said that u have to be with me always........... u can still hang out with them........ pernah ke i ckp, u cant be with them now?? NEVER!!!! actually it hurt me with the comment wrote by one of ur SIS......... our HONEYMOON? we still in the HONEYMOON period??? i dun think so..... cuz the first few week of our relationship, it's feel so FUCK UP!!!!! FUCK UP with everything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i know im still new in your life............. they know u 10times more than me in every way............. i know in every prob u have with them, more or less, it still have my name in it........... cuz of me, u have to go thru shit, up n down road with ur BRO N SIS........ either U with ME or U with THEM??? is that a choice for u to choose??? or it's just a cakap terbuang thingy??? if that a choice for u to make, u dun have to make any....... i will make the choice easier for u........... if we be together sampai ke jinjang pelamin if not....... no comment???? wat was that all about?? a sarcasm is it??? whether we be together or not...... or how long we can be, it not for anyone to judge..... we ourself also cant judge it......... why people cant just leave matters rest??? baby..... now it's the time for u to make your own decision, wat ever your decision, im ok with it........... cuz rite now it's seriously i had enough ok.......... really enough.................... im sorry for everything that i cause........... take care...... love u baby......

Current Mood: crushed

crushed

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